I have just found out another story which will forever cement in popular culture how courageous Wilford Brimley is.
Apparently, on a humid August night 10 pm 30 years ago today,
75 year old Donna Fartzit and her 7 year old granddaughter Lucy Fartzit were at a local Nebraska 24 hour laundromat when they were confronted by a group of angry young goblins. Yes, you read that correctly. Goblins.
These guys.
Donna and Lucy didn't know what to do. Donna already had a full load in her depends due to a combination of eating at Taco Bell earlier in the evening, and a persistent, on-again, off again case of crohn's disease.
Donna Fartzit. AKA BAD BITCH.
The goblins were closing in, taunting Donna about her smelly adult diaper, and threatening to nibble on Lucy's fat little elbow folds. Poor Lucy was terrified.
Lucy Fartzit, moments after the incident, still in shock.
Then, out of nowhere, burst in BIG WILLY FUCKING B! Yep! Wilford Brimley rolled in with a mossberg pump shotgun and said "Whattup, Goblin Scum! You shoulda ate your goddamn quaker oats this morning!" (or something like that, i'm paraphrasing here) and preceeded to blow away the goblins one by one in a loud bloodbath that will forever go down in Nebraska history as the Big Willy B laundromat massacre. Blood was everywhere. Goblin brains were splattered all over the washing machines and dryers. Donna's Depends were overflowing. It was smelly, and sweaty, like most things Wilford Brimley is involved in. But it was glorious.
BIG WILLY B, posing with his mossberg.
