Well peeps, what can I say? Another day of mind-numbing boredom in Greenville, NC ensues. If you've never been here, pray that you keep it that way. This place is like the fucking Bermuda Triangle of the south. Once you've gotten trapped into living here, you're fucked. No matter how hard you try to escape it, you're gonna get sucked right back in. Worse yet, if you ever try to do a web-search on this place, half of the time nothing pops up. It's truly like the fucking place doesn't exist. 

Leading me to an interesting hypothesis: What if it doesn't? What if the average-sized population of this place is actually a "test group" for some crazy fucking experiment designed to see what happens if you cram a bunch of people into this hellhole, and watch them go nuts? "But Chris", you say, "Where do they get these poor souls from?" Simple. Alien abductions. Yeah, I said it. Those same spindly little grey space perverts who ride around in little saucers snatching people out of their sleep to butt-rape 'em with spaceprobes and shove shit up their nostrils to track 'em with later, might have upgraded from their usual M.O. and decided it would be fun to contain a group of people in an artificially created town, and observe them for a while. 

Hence, this shithole in which I now currently reside. Sweet Jesus.

Well, that's fine. 'Cuz starting TODAY I get my rifle and telescope ready. And night vision goggles. Ready for what? Ready to observe the skies and shoot one of those little fuckers down so I can ask him some questions.

Hello, everyone. 

I am speaking to you from the brainwave.. I am imploring you all to listen to the third eye and follow me down the path that is true reality... 

Just fuckin with ya. 

Here's a little something I'd like to share with you all for a moment. 

People are making robot fuck dolls. Yep, it's happening. And some fucking weirdo somewhere married his. mm-hmm. They also have robot killing machines, some remotely powered by human operators, some actually programmed to make their own decisions.

Wow, robopussy and robots with guns. Still no floating cars that are completely electronically powered and non-threatening to the environment, but we have robotic vagina. Probably the same reason we haven't cured cancer, but we developed a pill to keep old guys happily erect.

Terrence McKenna is some random dude I stumbled upon today while poking around youtube looking for some random entertainment. He was some cool ass old dude who tripped a lot of hallucinogens and tried to unlock the mysteries of life in general.

That had nothing to do with the preceding paragraph and it's discussion of robopussy and real life terminators, I am aware of this. I'm really fuckin' baked right now, and that type of randomness is only to be expected from someone in my mindstate right now.

So's this..

youtube is the new TV.. Something that could either rot our brains or stimulate them, depending on how you use it. I tend to do an equal amount of both. Just as I have lately been looking up videos on Terrence McKenna and his theories on humankind, I have also been replaying a video over and over called "pug life". This video is a pug dressed in a hoodie and a chain, posing all hardcore with a revolver being dangled next to him, while some random rap song yells out "my momma's a BITCH!" in the background. priceless entertainment.

I wish I could just fucking link these videos directly to this blog, but I'm using a Mac, and I'm not tech-savvy enough to figure out how to do that yet. Beats the shit outta me, I'm a PC. 

Rock on, peeps. I just waisted a good five minutes of your life that you no doubt wish you had back, but that's not possible, so just take solace in the fact that time is merely a human concept thought up to measure that which is actually immeasurable and that none of this matters. Till next time. Adios.

You know, I can't believe the corny-ass shit that MTV puts on the idiot box these days. Fucking amazing. Obviously scripted "reality" shows, full of self-absorbed, brain-dead twenty-somethings that have nothing more important to think about other than their next shot of gin, or the next person they're going to cheat on their significant other with, have become really predictable. I mean, seriously, who WATCHES this shit? 

In all fairness, though, it's not JUST MTV that puts this obnoxious shit on the air. VH1 does their fair share to rot our brains as well with little gems of annoyance like "For the love of Ray-J". Jesus. I vomit a little every time I happen upon an episode of it while switching through the channels searching for something mildly entertaining on a boring day when I have nothing else to do but vegitate in bed and slowly make myself dumber. Here's a brief summary of it: 

"Obnoxious R&B star with more money than talent recruits a bunch of slightly attractive, highly stupid young women to come live at his mansion/TV show set for a few weeks to be followed around by cameras while they fight amongst each other for the affections of this douche, and while doing so, humiliate themselves in front of the entire viewing audience. Of course, every episode ends in one of these girls being sent home.. BLAH BLAH."

Quality television like this is why I prefer to get baked and look through a telescope. Seriously, the planets never annoy me. They just float there in that dark, infinite mass we call space and look cool. They don't say stupid shit, they don't bombard me with advertisements for products like the "Snuggie", (I mean, seriously, who buys those things?) and more, importantly, they don't have an agenda. They don't want to convince me to vote for some political party that doesn't really give a shit about me, or hate another political party that equally doesn't give a shit about me, or tell me I should judge a group of people for their lifestyle choices, or make me think I should eat this, or buy that, or want to fuck this celeb, or any of the other retarded, hypocritical, mind-programming shit that the boob tube puts on the airwaves. Nope. The stars and planets just sit there and look cool. Like what famous people try to do.